How can you make sense of the senseless?

By now, the tragedy of what happened in Newtown, CT this morning has spread across the world.  I can tell you that I have been through waves of emotions today.  I was in shock when I heard.  As details started coming out, I was in disbelief.  My disbelief turned to sadness and now I find myself enraged.  I can't imagine what the parents and families of those killed today are going through.  Christmas is little more than a week away.  My goal this week, which I'm sure was the same for a lot of parents, was to finalize Christmas shopping and get my presents wrapped.  For some reason, I keep staring at the presents that sit under my tree.  Picked out, paid for, wrapped, and waiting for Christmas when they will be excitedly opened by my boys.  What about the presents that sit under the trees in Connecticut?  Christmas will come and go and some of the presents under those trees will remain wrapped.

I can't wrap my mind around why a person would do this...or how a person could do this.  How a human being, with a beating heart could look at a frightened child, raise a gun, aim it, and fire.  I wonder how such evil could exist.  I feel guilty for bringing two beautiful, innocent, loving children into this world.  What will this world be in 20 years?  50 years?

I have heard all day about the issue of gun control.  I am sure that the topic will be discussed over and over in the days and weeks ahead.  I don't think this is really the issue.  I think limiting the sale of guns or doing away with the right to have one only unarms innocent citizens.  Criminals will not follow any sort of gun legislation that is put in place.  People who want guns will get guns, one way or another.  The issue at hand is not necessarily gun control but a lack of morals in our society. 

Our society, as a whole, is sick.  TV shows like Jersey Shore or Real Housewives of Whatever, just to name a few, portray individuals who have no moral compass and these are the shows with ratings through the roof.  What is this teaching our children?  I had an 8th grade student last year that told me that she didn't need to do well in school because she was going to be a reality star.  Michael Vick is a hero for his athleticism while Tim Tebow is mocked for being a virgin and abstaining from alcohol.  Again, what is this teaching our children?

Tonight, as I read Big Brother a story before bed, I got emotional and could feel tears welling up in my eyes.  He looked at me and asked what was wrong.  I told him that I was sad because some little kids got hurt today.  My three year old gave me a hug and told me that it was okay and that he would kiss it and make it better.  If only that was all we needed...

We need to turn off the ridiculous reality shows that allow dysfunctional individuals to make money off being drunk and throwing punches.  This is not entertainment.  We need to talk to our children and teach them how to be productive members of society.  We need to stop expecting others to raise our children for us.  We need to give more hugs and kisses and less money to them.  I am not saying that this will rid the world of evil, but I personally think it's a start.  I can't handle the thought of sending my child off to school with the possibility that he might not come home.  I don't know how the families of those killed will ever be able to make sense of what happened.  Christmas will never be the same for them.  I don't know how the surviving students or staff will ever be able to walk into that school, or any school for that matter, without overwhelming anxiety.  Anytime a door slams or a book falls off a desk onto the floor, the sense of fear and panic that will run through them is unimaginable.

I feel that I could go on and on but it doesn't really matter.  I just feel I had to start typing our my mind would explode.  I don't know if any of this even makes sense to anyone but me.  I can't stop thinking about the parents of the victims who won't be reading a bedtime story to their child tonight; the school that lost a beloved principal; the parents of the surviving students who will have to help their children through what is sure to be a very difficult time ahead; and the the fact that come December 26th there will be unopened presents.

Please pray for these families and our world.

The Crying Game

So Little Brother has turned out to be a terrible sleeper. At 5 1/2 months he is still waking up multiple times a night and the only thing that calms him down is a bottle. I know that a 5 month old does not need to eat during the night so today I finally took him to the doctor just to make sure that there were no underlying issues. After assuring me that he was fine, we began to discuss his sleeping patterns. I honestly feel like a new mom all over again because by this age, Big Brother was sleeping through the night with no problem. We discussed Little Brother's schedule and the fact that he was getting 2 to 3 30-45 minute naps a day and sleeping about 4 hours at night. Definitely not enough sleep for him (or me). I knew where the conversation was headed..."Let him cry it out."

I understand the whole "cry it out" concept but it is excruciating for all involved, not to mention the fact that it wakes up Big Brother (and possibly the neighbors). So, in an effort to separate Big Brother from the rest of the house, he is sleeping with Daddy in the master bedroom (which could potentially start another problem) and I am sleeping in Big Brother's room next to Little Brother's room. As I type this, Little Brother has been screaming, and I mean SCREAMING, for the good part of an hour. It's a pitiful and painful cry that seems to ask, "Mommy, why don't you love me?" I can't help but wonder where you draw the line between tough love and and child neglect? For the most part, babies cry when they need something. Right now, Little Brother needs me and I'm purposefully ignoring him. It is extremely hard to watch him cry and roll around his crib on the monitor, knowing that I could go in there and pick him up and comfort him.

The doctor said that with all her patients, she hasn't heard of a sleep training "cry it out" session lasting more than 2 weeks (which sounds like an eternity). So for now we will just stick it out and see how it goes with this whole "cry it out" method; Little Brother crying in his crib and Mommy crying in the next room...

PaleOMG!

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted! Life has been so hectic! A couple months ago I traded my dressy sweatpants in for some workout attire! Before I got pregnant with Little Brother, I had gotten into Crossfit thanks to some very persuasive friends! I was addicted at my first class so I was bummed that I had to quit (under doctor's orders). As soon as I got the all clear from my OB, I got right back in The Box!!! It's been an extremely long struggle and I started back at square one, but now I am definitely back in the swing of things and I am finally seeing some real results! I recently signed up for the 30 Day Paleo Challenge at The Box. Paleo is also known as The Caveman Diet; Eating food in its whole, pure form. No carbs, no sugar, no dairy, no grains. Nothing processed or refined. It's challenging at first and takes planning but I've been cooking a lot more (which Hubby loves) and I'm losing weight and getting closer and closer to my pre-pregnancy self (that I wasn't sure I would ever see again!!) Among the many meals I have made this week, my family and friends have loved my Paleo Egg Muffins. I can call them mine because the original recipe I found had you make the "bowl" out of muffin mix (which obviously isn't Paleo) so I took the recipe and made it Paleo! Here's what you need...

1 lb of nitrate free bacon
9 cage free eggs
Muffin Tin

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Cook the bacon a little more than 50% and then take the strips and wrap them on the inside of the muffin tin cup (spray the muffin pan with organic cooking spray first). Crack the eggs in a large measuring cup and add a little water (NO dairy!). Beat together and then pour into muffin tin cups, filling each about halfway. Pop them in the oven for about 20 minutes and then you are done! Now you have individually portioned breakfasts ready to go for the busy week!! Take one out, pop it into the microwave for 20 seconds and enjoy!!

For a variation, you can sauté some locally grown veggies and add those to the egg mix! I added onions and spinach to the latest batch! Yum!!

"Pin"spired

One of my missions, now that I'm a stay at home mom, is to get organized and try to creatively decorate our new home. So far, we have a lot of stuff ordered, so things are slowly coming together, piece by piece. I've found so many awesome ideas on Pinterest! If I could ever stop "pinning" and actually DO some projects, my house would be gorgeously decorated and unbelievably organized! I have managed to complete a few small projects. I put together a collage of Big Brother's artwork from over the years to hang in the playroom. I bought a huge canvas and picked out some of his artwork (I tend to favor things with his hand print or foot print). Most of the art work had the date written on the back so I wrote it on the front. I found some cute scrapbook paper and used Mod Podge to cover the canvas and act as the background. Then I cut around the picture and used the Mod Podge to glue it on the canvas. It turned out as a really cute piece to hang in the playroom and because it has his hand and footprints with dates on it, it will be something really special we can look back at over the years!

All Aboard the Potty Train! {But the Caboose Doesn't Work}

Everyone told me that potty training would be a trying time.  That has turned out to be the understatement of the year!  I was a little concerned when Big Brother's teachers told us that he was ready to jump from diapers to underwear.  I thought Pull Ups were the next logical step.  His teachers said that Pull Ups, for the most part, just confuse kids.  They are very diaper-like and his teachers said it causes a lot of frustration.  Best to just jump right into underwear.  So, we went to the store and picked out some Lightening McQueen "Big Boy" underwear (those of you who have read my earlier posts could have probably guessed that!).  We decided that we would reward each successful potty trip with candy.  I know it looked weird that we had a huge candy jar in our bathroom!  After a while, I decided to stop rewarding with candy and start rewarding with stickers on a "potty chart".  When he fills the chart, we go to the store and he picks out a toy.  I found it was more successful to reward the habit of going to the bathroom rather that each individual act.  The first time he filled his chart, we took the chart to the toy store and went up and down the aisles, looking for his prize.  He finally picked one out and when we got to the register, I had him hand the chart to the sales clerk so that, in essence, he was "paying" for his toy with his potty chart (obviously, I took back the chart and paid with real money!).

For the most part, he has done pretty well when it comes to peeing...the only problem is that he doesn't tell us when he has to go.  We have to put him on the potty every 30 minutes or so, even if he tells us that he doesn't have to go.  Most of the time, he will have to go.  If he's playing or watching a movie....forget it!  It's an all out battle to get him to go sit on the potty!  The main issue we are having is when it comes to poop...he refuses to do it in the potty.  He tells us after the fact that he "has poop" and then it is a huge mess.  I don't want to yell at him or get mad at him because I don't want him to be afraid to tell us when he has an accident but I am at a loss of how to get him to poop in the potty.  If you were to ask him, "Where does poop go?" he would tell you, "In the potty!"  Knowing and doing seem to be two totally different things, though!

Out of shear frustration, I put him on the potty around the time I thought he should have to poop.  I gave him my iPad to play with and we waited.  And waited.  And waited.  At one point, he tooted, looked at me and yelled, "Mommy, I pooped!", but alas, not a turd in sight!  I told him he had done a good job, but that he should try to squeeze some more out.  After a total of about an hour and a half, I called an end to "Operation For Crying Out Loud, Poop Already!" and we got off the pot (because you either have to 'do it' or get off...)

 So, for now, we wait knowing that if we feed him, poop will come...

Have Car, Will Travel

I remember when I was little, being attached to a yellow blanket that a friend of my parents had given me.  It was a patchwork blanket with the letters of the alphabet sewn on it.  I called it my ABC blanket.  I am not ashamed to admit that I slept with that thing (on and off) through college and I still have it.  It is extremely faded and very worn in some areas and not many of the letters are there anymore, but there is something about that blanket that gives me a very comfortable feeling.  My sister had a blanket too.  It was also yellow.  Unlike me, she carried her blanket everywhere.  It had holes in it and I believe my mom even had replacement blankets that she had to use if one got too torn up.  Big Brother never got attached to a blanket or stuffed animal the way we did.  I tried to put cute stuffed animals in his crib and brought them places with us but he never seemed interested.  Ok, so he's not going to be the kind of kid that is really attached to a specific thing...or so I thought...

Big Brother is obsessed with a Matchbox Lightening McQueen car.  If you look through our family photos, you can spot "McQueen" in virtually every one.  It's like playing "Where's Waldo" looking though our pictures, only Waldo is a small, red car.  I'm all for my son having a favorite toy but I can't help but wonder how far this obsession will go.

Big Brother has always been into cars.  He LOVES them.  He loves the Cars movies.  He loves pretty much anything with wheels.  The issue with his beloved McQueen is that he NEEDS it in his hand.  Now, he doesn't carry it around all day, everyday, but he does have to have it to leave the house.  His teachers at school will make him put it in his backpack as soon as he gets there in the morning but as soon as he sees me walk in to get him in the afternoon, he runs over and gets McQueen out of his backpack.  At home, he can be in his playroom, playing with any other toy, but if I tell him that it is time to come downstairs for dinner, he says, "I have to get McQueen!".  Same with going to the bathroom or to bed...going anywhere, really.

The obsession began when he was about a year and a half old.  I remember one weekend being at my in-laws lake house in Marble Falls, Texas, for Labor Day and getting ready to take a ride on the boat.  Of course, McQueen had to come too.  The ride was fun and Big Brother had a great time but as we were getting out of the boat, he dropped McQueen into the lake.  He was very upset.  The water was shallow by the boat dock so my husband and my father in law tried to find it but there was a lot of algae and dirt and they couldn't find it.  Needless to say, Big Brother was extremely upset.  My husband and I quickly drove 45 minutes to the nearest Wal-Mart and bought every Lightning McQueen they had!  We gave him one (we told him we found it in the water) and kept the rest tucked away for future emergencies!  Now I understand why my mom had replacement blankets for my sister!

I guess it's normal for kids to have a specific toy that they love but I hope we are able to "ween" him off of it before he goes to kindergarten!  Check out my pictures and see if you can spot McQueen!

A "No Left-Overs" Dinner

I am by no means a whiz in the kitchen and I rely heavily on my crock pot.  I don't really enjoy cooking so I love finding fast, easy recipes!  I found a great App for my iPad called SparkRecipes (from Spark People).  They have a ton of healthy recipes and it lets you search for recipes by ingredient or fat content or calories, etc. and lets you save your favorites (for instance this recipe since my family enjoyed it so much!).  Tonight I made a dinner that my husband and son loved (and asked for seconds on!)...the best part of making a yummy dinner is not having to pack up the leftovers for another night!!  Here is the recipe.  Give it a try and then let me know what you think!

Honey Balsamic Chicken

Prep & Cook Time: 18 minutes

1 1/2 tsp of dried thyme
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 tsp olive oil
1 lb chicken breast
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp honey

Combine the first 3 ingredients; sprinkle over both sides of the chicken.

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.  Add chicken; cook 7-8 minutes on each side or until chicken is done.

Transfer chicken to a platter and keep it warm.  Reduce heat to medium-low; add vinegar and honey to pan.  Simmer 1 minute or until glaze thickens; stir constantly.  Pour glaze over chicken.

Yield: 4 servings (serving size is 1 chicken breast half).